Indescribable babble

Found a new house - result! How good is God? So good. Indescribable! Actually there is a song called that. Really like the song BUT it says that God is Indescribable and then goes on to try and describe Him. Anyway.....

Church meeting tonight - love any excuse to be in church. Just love Purley. Not saying that the entire meeting enthralled me but it's all good.

Really excited because my brother is coming to stay soon - yay! The ginger northerner will be here. He has lots of freckles - I once tried to count them all. Got bored. I treat him like an older brother because he is all growed up. He is two years and seven days younger than me. Dougal our dog likes him more than me because Spud walks him more. I just sit on the stairs and chat with him and if I do walk him, end up going on the swings and leave him outside the kids' play area gates. This poem is about Spud and I. It takes me back to living in Cockermouth. It reminds me of a time when I imagined that anything was possible.

In the garden

We dug for Australia,
me and my brother.
In the garden by the potatoes
growing
knowing
we'd get there one day.
Throwing
soil into the atmosphere.
Getting sweaty and dirty and tired.
Australia forgotten soon
as shovels hit stones
and the clouds began to weep.
We dug instead for lakes, dens, air raid shelters.

All ended the same,
each time the same:
our holes quickly filled with water,
running from the sky above
creating another blob of brown sludge.

In the silence, draw near to the holy one
With joyful adoration, gaze into His face.
Listen to the father's voice as all else is forgotten
As His peace and His love and His all fill this place.

Let Him in
Let Him come
Let Him take your pain away
Let Him cleanse
Let Him comfort
Let Him build you once again
Make you strong
Make you smile
Make you sing and dance and weep
In His presence
Like a child
May you truly feel complete

To

Smile everyday.
Find something new and beautiful
in that which always was.
Be easy with all.
Understand what was questioned,
Meet another on the road.
Sleep until you wake,
take joy in the ordinary.
Watch the day slip......

Find strength in the human form,
take refuge in solitude.
Be spontaneous,
wrapped in conversations magical.
Learn from those of pain.
Wait with patience

Continue in hope.

How exciting is that?!!!!!!

Feeling joyful and Christmassy

Monday, monday - I'm shattered! Had an interesting weekend - was planning to move this week to Purley proper but it has all landed on its face. Grrrrr. We had the switching on of the lights in beautiful Purley this week - this is organised mainly by the church but local businesses are also involved. I spent my time holding hands with a giant dog, giving out leaflets and getting very very wet. I felt all Christmassy. Sunday was lovely as usual. Taught at what is called 'sunday's cool' - genius use of an apostraphe! Also had a games afternoon for 'Host-a-night' - although more 'Host-a-day'. Twas lovely - we played a strange game called 'men are from mars, women are from venus', ate cake and scared my friend's cat. Someone vomited out of the car window on the way back but I don't think that it was the food. I wrote 'vomit' on someone's hand - maybe it was that.

I have not been looking forward to Christmas all that much this year - being away from home and feeling especially single with Emily married and Spud with the lovely Roo. BUT now I am. Truly. I can celebrate and worship Jesus. I need to change my focus at Christmas time and not get lost in the worldly stuff. How exciting is it that God, The God, the one and only God, the God of creation came and was human for us?! I will miss home. I will miss the peacefulness of home but I will feel peace and joy and I'm actually getting really excited!

In this house there lives a girl.
In this girl there lives a fear.
Of who she is.
Of how others see her.
She hides.

In her heart there lives a God.
Who loves her.
Who made her.
Who knows her.
Who longs to take away all fear.

In this house there lives a girl.
In this girl there lives joy,
And peace
And a contented, restful soul.
Who loves the God that made her,
Who longs to know Him more,
Who lives.

Winter walks, family and me worries

Another Sunday, another blog. Really beautiful day today - truly blue skies. We went for a walk in the woods today and it was so crisp and crunchy wandering through the leaves, squelching in the mud, stepping over fallen trees. We went back to my Auntie's house and had crumpets! I have started going along to the church Christmas choir - need to break through this fear of singing and just do it. Scared me. It was lovely because at the church, I do feel that I can be myself. It is just opening up to people and showing your weaknesses too. Sang alto (sp?) or tried - so hard to get out of singing songs as you have always known them. I get lost in what everyone else is singing.

Mum is gone - she came on Monday and left on Thursday - I miss her and the rest of my lovely family so much! Content here and have my Aunt's family who have been such such a blessing. Can't wait to see my Spud soon and give him a big hug. Mum and I were in London proper on Tuesday and managed to see the stars leaving the premier of Casino Royale - it is exciting when you see famous people. You feel like you know them so well because of the intrusive nature of the media. It is a strange thing - like you are part of their lives for a split second. You are part of that world.

I have been feeling inadequate this week - worrying that I am getting this job wrong - getting my focus wrong. So so want to get this right. Realise though that if I am focused on God instead of the job, everything will be clearer. I want to be God-led in my work. So easy to be me lead - to feel that what is needed is action, action, action when maybe this week and indeed the past two months have been about reflection and building the foundation for my work. Creating those relationships. Enjoying being around children. Feel as though I struggle with myself socially too - starting from scratch again with friends etc - its like I feel I need to prove myself. Say things when I would rather be quiet and reflect. Worry so much about what people think about me. Do not go up to people because I think that they don't really want to talk to me - do I annoy them? Am I too loud? Am I butting into people's conversations? Sure people think that I am confident, maybe too confident but inside I am scared - scared that people won't want me. I mean, I annoy myself, how must others feel? Am I caring enough? Grrrrr - but inside I know that my confidence should come from God. This sort of stuff just stands in the way, gets in the way. Get your act together, Rebecca Jane and sort it! Lord, help me I pray. Guide me. Thank you for bringing me to this place where I feel fed and nourished. May I nourish others. Amen.

Another me poem (untitled)

This, a different sort of existence.
She rests less
yes
all is different.
A sort of existence.

Pools of substance sleep upon
fields,
velveteen green.

A tree bends,
grazes water.
Casts circles,
makes sense.

A girl takes from her movement
through the landscape of the world
all that she has seen.

Mondays, Sundays, peace and God

I seem to be mainly blogging on a monday at the moment - I think that it is because Sundays are such a high in the week and so I like to reflect after them. It is also the beginning of the weekend for me. Feel so peaceful. Been cleaning this morning and loving it! Could quite easily become a housewife. Although possibly too messy! It's my mum's birthday today - missing her lots (and the rest of the family). She is coming to stay next week though so that will be lovely jubbly. The disco for church seemed to go well on Tuesday. Even managed to have a little boogie. Starting up a new group this week called host-a-night - basically a chance to meet up with people on a more regular basis. Man I feel so so much peace. A real calmness. Last night was all about Soloman's temple - made me evaluate worship; my worship more. Just noticed egg on my window from halloween - horrid, horrid, horrid. Had a beautiful weekend full of God answering my prayers - giving me people when I needed them - the right people. Providing an angel costume for me which fitted perfectly and was half price at a charity shop. Feeding me physically and spiritually. Three nights of fireworks. Giving me deep sleeps and blue skies.

Was watching the fireworks and they were stunning. Really really stunning. Then thought wow - what is it going to be like when Jesus comes again? Will we even be able to look? Fireworks are man made - what a difference when it is God made!